Becoming an overcomer.

This is hard for me. Sharing weaknesses? I don't do that. Something I don't like people to know is when I'm struggling. I don't like to show sadness or weakness. At all. I get that from my mom. I like to smile, I enjoy being happy. Who doesn't? But reality is, life gets hard.

This semester has been hard. It's been one that I've had to keep a tight grip on God or I would break. I would fall, fall hard. I miss my family, I'm tired of working, school is hard, my house gets quiet, I'm exhausted, I'm tired of having one problem after another. I'm sick. Literally sick. I fainted yesterday. Truly fainted. Fainted from stress. Exhaustion. Over doing it.

Today's my day off. My big plan for the day is to do absolutely nothing. That's a challenge. Because if you know me - I don't relax. I don't sit. So here I am, trying to be still, self reflecting. But as I sit here complaining, rambling about pointless problems, I can't help but want to say it's okay. But people, that's our problem. It is okay for things not to be okay. That's what I am trying to teach myself. My life hasn't been a carousel ride. Far from smooth sailing. I've had to learn that problems are going to always be heading my way, but I can overcome it. But while I wait, I can be weak. I can complain. I can show others that I'm not okay. Because friends, I'm not.

Here's the thing - when I'm down, I'm strong. When I cry, I have pain leaving my body. When I fall, I have this awesome Creator waiting to catch me. That Creator knows I love Him with my whole heart, so He sticks around. Let's me be weak, because when I am weak, He is strong. When I am my knees, His arms are around me.

This life is hard. It's not easy. Paying rent, studying, working, being allergic to gluten, having hypothyroidism, being six hours from my family, not knowing what the future holds, loneliness, stress, anxiety..... these are things I deal with on a day-to-day basis that I hate. That drag me down. But I know in the end, life is going. I am moving forward. I am learning and one day God is going to use my struggles, things that broke me will be my strength. I am not finished. There's still so much work to be done on me. And I am truly excited to go through these trials because I know that God is shaping me. Molding me. Creating a strong woman of God right here, inside of me. I am becoming an overcomer.

My prayer is that we can share with each other our problems. It's not about being strong because we have God. I think sometimes we get caught up thinking we have to keep it together because we are christians and people are watching. There's some truth to that, but it's important that we don't try to be perfect. We're not. The only perfect thing about us is that the Holy Spirit lives inside of us. That spirit is what helps us to stand up when we fall. That spirit is what helps us find joy in sad days. That's the only thing that we can't let go of. That's what we have to show outsiders. There is something different about us, we're still human but we have an unhuman like quailty about us. So while we suffer, we have hope. And that hope is Jesus.